How Poetic
by Niuserre
Summary: Set in Sanctuary when Buffy visits Angel. Spoilers for Five by Five, Sanctuary and a little season three.


"Angel?"

He paused in the doorway and turned back to the brunette. "What?"

Faith glanced at the ground and shook her head, "Nothing." She said quietly.

"Must have been something." He replied. She had to be able to talk to him. Everything relied on that.

"I...it doesn't matter." She moved her gaze away from him and stared off into space apparently thinking. Angel moved back into the room and sat down next to her. He brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face and cupped her chin in his hand.

"You can talk to me Faith. I won't judge, I won't...laugh or whatever. I'll just listen." 

She looked at his eyes and saw he meant it but still, "I don't think you want to hear this. It's, well, why I, why I'm...like this. I...I never had anything when I was a kid. My mom, oh God lets not talk about her. She, she didn't love me. No one did. They all just...I was in the way. I was never wanted. When I got called as a Slayer, it was, well, it was the first time I'd been needed. People needed me. I was the good guy making the world better. Then I met B. I wasn't the only good guy. But I didn't mind because, she was nice to me, she...she let me, she sorta, well, she let me join her group. It was like being part of a family or something. I'd never, you know, felt that." She stopped, her voice had become unsteady and she needed to gain control again. She blinked back the tears, swallowing hard and continued, "But then, that guy, he, he came out of nowhere. I didn't mean to but...I did and Buffy, Buffy wanted to do the right thing you know? But I, I saw the look in her eyes and I knew the right thing would mean jail for me so I...I blocked it out. I pretended it didn't matter. That people would, Buffy would, just forget about it and maybe life could go back to how it was. But then, then Buffy was getting scared and she, she was falling apart and I was scared. Scared she'd rat me out, you know and so I...I went to Giles and told him that, that it was her. But he must've known I was lying and the next thing, they're all looking for me and then that vampire, the black one, he was gonna kill Buffy and I saved her and I didn't know what to do. I was so confused. I was trying to shut her out. Tell myself that she was the bad one. That she deserved to go to jail and... stuff. But I knew, I knew she was, she was loved and that, that it would matter less if I got done for it, that." Angel made to tell her that wasn't true but she waved a hand at him to stop, "No, it's the truth. Buffy has everything. I have nothing. She had the friends, the Watcher, the mom...the boyfriend. I wanted what she had but I couldn't have it. I mean, I know I really screwed things up with Xander with what I did and... then it was too late. I didn't know how to make it right. So I went to someone who cared about me anyway. He cared about me even when I...when I messed up. When I did good he'd praise me and stuff. No one had ever done that before. No one. Then he wanted me to go after you. To...seduce you. I wanted to. Of course I wanted to, I'd wanted you since I met you but I told myself it was just because I couldn't have you. But it wasn't, not really. I saw in you something...something I knew was in myself. A...a want, a need, for forgiveness, for...hell, I don't know. I wanted so much to be happy but whatever I did I just felt worse. I was getting deeper in the hole and the ladder didn't reach the top any more. There wasn't a way out, God knows I looked for one. I wanted out. I wanted...I wanted someone to take me in their arms and make it OK. I wanted someone to fix it or even just to show me how to fix it. But, you, you, you loved B. You didn't want me. I knew you didn't but...it didn't stop me wanting you. You knew what it was like for me. Like you said that time. You understood. You understood." Her voice trailed off and she hung her head. The tears that had been threatening to spill over finally came and Angel pulled her to him. 

He stroked her head gently and when she finally pulled away he whispered to her, "I wanted you to." They began to drift closer, slowly. Angel kissed her lips, wet with tears, softly as if trying it, to see if it was...nice. He took her arms by the wrists and wrapped them around his neck before wrapping his own arms around her slim waist. They kissed again, this time more readily. Their eyes closed enjoying being together, at last. Their happiness was short-lived though as heels sounded on the steps, ending with a gasp. Faith was first to pull away, "B, its not what it..." She was cut off by Angel.

"Yes it is, it's completely what it looks like."

Buffy stared, tears welling in her eyes. She shook them back glaring murderously at Faith, "So the harlot won't stop at one, she has to have both. Don't do things in half measures do you? I mean, some murderers stop after one. You went the whole hog and worked for a demon. Then you try and kill my friends and steal my boyfriend. I suppose I should have expected it." She snapped bitterly.

"I'm yours now am I Buffy? That's funny because last I heard you had someone else. What, is he just for in-between your trips to see me?" Angel replied in disgust. "Do you have any idea what she did to me?"

"Yes. I have every idea but she wants to change Buffy."

"So how does locking lips help?" She almost yelled as she struggled to keep her cool, she desperately needed to vent her anger, her hurt.

"We're two of a kind Buffy. She understands me and vice versa. You were too busy wrapped up in the idea of dating a vampire to care about who I really am. What I've done. I'd try and talk to you and all you did was whine about how hard your day had been and complain about how other Slayers never went to school."

"Whatever happened to forever?" A tear rolled down her cheek smudging her mascara.

"It got through denial and crashed into realization." He replied as if hearing it himself for the first time.

"So you chose a murderer for you're 'getting over her' stage? What is that about? To hurt me because you've succeeded in that all right. Happy now bitch?" Her last comment was designed to hit Faith like a sledgehammer but she'd ended up sounding like a tiny little girl in a very big room.

"I didn't choose."

"Oh really? So who did? Fate?"

"Maybe. You chose the quiet commando, where's he now?"

"Don't you dare bring him into this." She snarled.

"You were the one who moved on Buffy. If it was really love don't you think you'd have been happy with a platonic relationship?"

"Oh please, now you're saying I don't love you because I can't sleep with you?"

"As I here that was one of the first things you made up for after I left."

"What?"

"I believe his name was Parker." Angel sneered.

Buffy fell silent stuck for a reply. She moved towards Angel lifting a hand to his face, he pushed it away and took Faith's hand pulling her up to stand by him. She did so, uncomfortably, unsure where she scored on Buffy's 'to do' list. Tears continued to roll down the blonde's cheeks as she stared at Angel. "But I...I love you." 

"No you don't Buffy. You loved the idea of me. A Slayer in love with a vampire. Just another thing that made you different from all the others throughout history. And stupid me. I played your little game. I played it right into hell. I came back and there you were. Now you could say I'd come back for you. Just adding to your little girl fantasies. Well news flash Slayer, I came round and I'm not playing any more." The girl turned and ran looking younger and more vulnerable than ever yet her innocence had been killed. Now it was dead and buried. And it wouldn't be joining the ranks of the undead. Not ever. Angel turned to Faith wiping a tear that was tumbling down her face. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have seen that." He whispered pulling her once again into his arms and resting his chin on her head. 


End file.
